Fashion: Forwards and Fails

Hmm.  It’s too bad she’s pregnant.

If we weren’t slightly concerned with the welfare of what we’re sure would be a very unfortunately coiffed baby, we would order that someone put Angel Graham out of her misery right now. 

Seriously?  Black liquid leggings?  Hello, November of 2009.  Over-sized black hooded zip-up sweatshirt?  Hey, March of 2003!  A cross-chest bag in some horrible puke-green color?  Glad you could join us, September 2007.  And, oh god.  We can’t see it completely, but we’re pretty sure those are purple boots.  Construction boots.  We missed you dearly, October of 1998. 

Someone get that woman a map.  She’s hopelessly lost in time.

This picture causes for some mixed feelings over here at fashionblog.  On the one hand, we’ll admit it- we kinda like Alex Moretti.  He’s some kind of something-or-other over at Wild Card.  We’re not pretending like we know enough about the music industry to have any clue what he actually does over there, but obviously he’s important enough to end up in paparazzi photos.  Whatever.

The outfit here is not entirely bad.  We kinda dig the whole white-shirt-black-tie-casual-jacket thing, actually, and he seems to insist on wearing the skinny black jeans that make his ass look kind of droopy so we’ll even let those slide.  What we don’t get, though, is what’s in his hand.  At first we thought it was an awful belt, but… now we see that’s not the case, because he’s already wearing a belt that doesn’t match well.  Turns out… it’s a tiara.

…’Nough said.

Every once in a blue moon, somebody shows up that gets us here at FashionBlog all atwitter.  Kayla Kennedy has managed to do just that, so congrats to her- usually it takes a naked celebrity to cause this much stir around here!

While we do realize that our level of excitement is totally irrational about this girl, we have to point out that she’s a fashion editor, so she GETS us (so if she wants to give us a call we like long walks on the beach and romantic, candle-lit dinners… just so she knows).  On the other hand, though… this picture kind of has us disappointed a wee bit.

If you’re going to pick on other people’s clothes, dress well yourself.  Seriously.  You are not five and we don’t care what they say or how cheap they are- cereal-box watches are not in and will never be- and by the way, we do realize how that’s just a ploy for us to look at how skinny your wrists are.  We get it!

We don’t hate the jeans but they look like they’re a smidge too tight, so watch that muffin top… and the top is just wrong.  Wrong, wrong, wrong!  We’re onto you, Kennedy.  That’s a nightgown you’ve chosen to wear over blue jeans and pair with some god-awful accessories… and a pink bra?  Yeah, you should make sure your nightwear isn’t see-through before you do that.

Actually, we have to be honest- it took a while to dig up this picture of her.  We’re okay with most of her choices on a basic level, we’re only picking on her to have a little bit of fun.  It’s hard to dress impeccably every single time- which is why we choose to remain anonymous over here at FashionBlog.  ;]  Seriously, welcome to the world of celebrity fashion critique, Kayla.  It’s a long, hard road ahead of you and we look forward to disagreeing with you often in really public and probably inappropriate ways.

Love and kisses,
FashionBlog

P.S. you need to get your roots done, ‘bb.

Look what we found!

This is that girl Rhys took to the VMAs, right?  (We’re only asking to be facetious.  We know she is- it took hell and high water to track down a different picture of her.)  We thought Rhys had, like, a zillion dollars!  Why couldn’t he afford at least a moderately priced call girl?

We kid, we kid.  We actually don’t hate the dress (Christian Siriano Resort collection, Spring 2010, in case you’re wondering), but the shoes… don’t get us wrong, we love a little flash of red at the feet.  That being said, we much prefer for said red to be because of a well-worn Louboutin, not because of pleather faux-demure pumps.  Especially not if the outfit is so neutral with such earthy undertones- to go with a fiery color like pure red is risky.  She might have gotten away with it if she hadn’t matched her lips to her shoes.  Both of them take attention away from that dress (which, okay, we’ll give her, it’s gorgeous) and put it on her chalky face and her skinny-ass legs and knobby knees.

Next!

Not gonna lie, this picture kind of proves that Goldmine Valentine’s manager is a big-ass bucket of crazy.

Who the hell else besides a crazy person would wear a sherbet-colored flower in their hair with a goldenrod top and gold belt (we’re excusing the Wayfarers because of the spring of ‘09, but we’d like to officially declare that trend over.)?

On her, though, it kinda works.  We’re NOT recommending that any of our readers go out and buy this stuff (or if you do, that you wear it together), but we are saying that Lacey Darling is not on our shit list.  Imagine that.

(Plus, her boobs look real.  Are they real?  Discuss.)

We’re going to go with ‘what the hell?!’

We at fashionblog are greatly disturbed by this picture. GREATLY.

Since when do we like Angel Graham’s clothes?  This dress is actually pretty cute, and we love her cocktail ring!  We’re not entirely sure, but we think it’d denim in the indigo panels, which we don’t hate.  Plus her shoes are too cute (are those next season’s Jimmy Choos?  We think they are!), even if they don’t exactly work with this dress.

Angel Graham, if you’re reading this, we’re begging you.  Give your new stylist a raise.  Seriously.

We realize that, technically, this is a picture of that drummer guy from broken heroes (what’s his name? anybody know?) with no clothes on, so really there’s no actual FASHION in this picture.

…We’re okay with that.

Hmm.  We don’t hate it, actually.

Sure, Landin Phelps looks a little bit like her thirteen-year-old sister dressed her (does she have one? Wait, we don’t care).  Her shoes are a little too close to butterflies to not be inspired by them, and we’re just not all gung ho about insects integrated to clothing.  Call us old-fashioned.  The shoes are a little matchy-matchy with the bag, too, for her to be wearing that big-ass silver ring.

Still!  Usually, as a general rule, if we hear ‘one-sleeved-dress’ we roll our eyes and toss it into the ‘DEFINITELY NOT EVER’ pile (because yes, there is one of those here.  Ask Rhys Harper.  He’s a regular).  Landin manages to pull it off, though.  And for that, we commend her.  The lace could have been super-tacky, too, and going with a simple ponytail is dangerous for an event that’s even semi-formal (so those just-wandered-out-of-bed waves are a definite no-no, Miss Miller), but… we like this look. Maybe it’s so wrong it’s right.

Or maybe it’s just a HELL of a lot better than whoever the train wreck behind her is.  What do you think?  Let us know!

This isn’t exactly fashion, per se, but we feel like we ought to step in as it is a matter of appearance.

MANAGER GUY FOR BURNING EMPIRES. PLEASE WASH YOUR HAIR.

Seriously.  We’re worried it might be a public health issue.